Saturday, March 23, 2013

Because I Do Your Laundry...

Laundry.  I have a lot of it.  And it grows.  And it multiplies.  And it's out of control.  At any given time I have 10+ loads of laundry.  This is not an exaggeration.  So?

Because I do your laundry....

  • First and foremost, I do it out of necessity.  Not because it's enjoyable.  It actually makes me grit my teeth. 
  • Please know that I've taken into consideration that some of you still poop your pants and/or don't know how to wipe your own butts.  However, if you need help, ask.  This will cut down on hours of pre-soaking.  And gagging. 
  • Why some of you can't make it through a meal without spreading food from asshole to eyebrow is beyond me.  If you need a bib, let me know.  I'm sure there are some tucked away in the attic.  I'll be happy to dig them out.  Use a napkin- not your pants or your sleeve.  This applies to everyone, regardless of age.  I should own stock in OxyClean.  I keep them in business. 
  • It is not necessary to use a new towel each time you shower.  Hang it up and use it again.  It's not dirty.  You'll go days at a time and never think of taking a bath or brushing your teeth without being asked.  But it frightens you to reuse a towel?  This disturbs me.  Your thinking is distorted.  And for God's sake, pick them up off the floor.  Mildew stinks. 
  • There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING pleasant about cramming my hand down in to your crusty, stinky sock to un-wad it.  Please do this on your own merit.  My nerves thank you in advance.
  • The laundry does not walk itself to the laundry room.  If you want it washed, bring it to me.  Do NOT ask me if you have clean jeans, a certain shirt, etc.  Did you bring it to me?  If not, then look up your a$$.  That's probably where you left it. 
  • There is a laundry basket in your room for a reason.  Use it.  You all have dressers and closets in your rooms, too.  Use them. 
  • Can I play with you right now?  No.  Did I get the taxes finished yet?  No.  Is supper ready?  No.  Did I feed the dog?  Make it to the grocery?  Pay the bills?  Mow the yard?  No, no, no, and no.  Why?  Because I do your laundry. 



Magellan18 said...

I'm with you SAHM!

SAHM I Am said...

so glad someone is!

Deanna said...

I feel like I do laundry on a daily basis! Thanks for writing this!