Because I do your laundry....
- First and foremost, I do it out of necessity. Not because it's enjoyable. It actually makes me grit my teeth.
- Please know that I've taken into consideration that some of you still poop your pants and/or don't know how to wipe your own butts. However, if you need help, ask. This will cut down on hours of pre-soaking. And gagging.
- Why some of you can't make it through a meal without spreading food from asshole to eyebrow is beyond me. If you need a bib, let me know. I'm sure there are some tucked away in the attic. I'll be happy to dig them out. Use a napkin- not your pants or your sleeve. This applies to everyone, regardless of age. I should own stock in OxyClean. I keep them in business.
- It is not necessary to use a new towel each time you shower. Hang it up and use it again. It's not dirty. You'll go days at a time and never think of taking a bath or brushing your teeth without being asked. But it frightens you to reuse a towel? This disturbs me. Your thinking is distorted. And for God's sake, pick them up off the floor. Mildew stinks.
- There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING pleasant about cramming my hand down in to your crusty, stinky sock to un-wad it. Please do this on your own merit. My nerves thank you in advance.
- The laundry does not walk itself to the laundry room. If you want it washed, bring it to me. Do NOT ask me if you have clean jeans, a certain shirt, etc. Did you bring it to me? If not, then look up your a$$. That's probably where you left it.
- There is a laundry basket in your room for a reason. Use it. You all have dressers and closets in your rooms, too. Use them.
- Can I play with you right now? No. Did I get the taxes finished yet? No. Is supper ready? No. Did I feed the dog? Make it to the grocery? Pay the bills? Mow the yard? No, no, no, and no. Why? Because I do your laundry.